Zach's account:
A month ago (approximately), Kate and I decided to go to the races. We hadn't seen each other in some time so we decided to get together and hang out. As stated above, we planned on doing this at the races. In our decision, we involved nobody else. It was only the two of us that planned the event. In all the talk of getting together (granted, there wasn't that much detailed discussion) having a meal was NEVER mentioned. The ONLY thing that Kate and I ever discussed doing together was going to the races for the day.
Leading up to race day, a few friends were invited to join us. The week before the races, apparently Kate and said friends decided to have dinner after the races. Once again, let me stress, that I was NEVER consulted about dinner. I was never involved in any discussion about dinner after the races. I never once mentioned going to dinner after the races.
Two days before race day, Kate asked if I was going to dinner. I said, "I don't know. Maybe." That was the ABSOLUTE FIRST time I was ever involved in any discussion about me going to dinner after the races. I never said anything prior to this conversation nor during this conversation that might imply that I was going to dinner. My answer was simply, "I don't know. Maybe." ...which means, there's a chance that I might go, and there's a chance that I might not go.
This is the point of the story when BFF-Heather and I got our social signals crossed. She told me that the mere planning of going to the races IMPLIED that I was planning on going to dinner afterward. I disagree; she ASSUMED that I was going to dinner after the races, but I never IMPLIED that I was going to dinner.
My arguments:
1a) As stated, I had never been involved in any discussion about dinner with Kate, the person I planned the day with, up until the point when she asked me if I was going to dinner. To which I answered, "I don't know. Maybe."
1b) I had never discussed going to dinner after the races with ANYONE prior to the same discussion with Kate that point 1a refers to. BFF-Heather told me that they were going to dinner after the races, but she never once asked me if I was going, and I never made a single comment about going to dinner. In fact, I specifically discussed with BFF-Heather doing other plans at that same...at which point she said she couldn't because she was having dinner. Once again, let me stress that I NEVER spoke of me going to dinner, nor gave any indication that I would be joining the dinner party.
2a) As a rebuttal to a point that BFF-Heather has tried to make to me....she has said to me that precedent had been set: it was the norm to go to dinner after a day at the races. My response is that the past 2 times I've been to the races with this same group of people, I have not gone to dinner with them afterwards. Actually, at the time of this writing, I cannot remember ever going to dinner after a day at the races with BFF-Heather. I'm not saying that I never have; I just can't specifically remember having ever gone to dinner after the races with BFF-Heather. If precedent had indeed been set, then I was very unaware of it as based on my prior experiences.
2b) In all actuality, this was the 1st time Kate and I ever went to the races together. It was the 1st time we ever organized going to the races. I find it difficult to understand how precedent had been set concerning a 1st time event.
3) Others in the racing party did not join us for dinner, and it was my perception that nobody thought that those absent from dinner were breaking any socially implied obligation. The reason: it was NEVER implied that they were joining us for dinner. Nobody thought that just because they came to the races with us then they would also be joining us for dinner. The two events, racing and dinner, are not correlated in that way. Doing one does not imply participation in the other. Those that left us to go home after the races without joining us for dinner did so freely because they NEVER implied that they would be joining us for dinner. Yes, they said they would come to the races. Yes, they came to the races. No, they were never involved in any discussions about going to dinner after the races. (Wow. Their story sounds very similar to someone else's.) I don't think it was ever implied that they would be joining us for dinner. Hmmmm.
Conclusion:
BFF-Heather assumed that I was going to dinner.
It is not implied that one is going to dinner just because one goes to the races (see argument 3).
I never spoke of going to dinner.
I was never involved in planning dinner (....planning dinner apparently as part of an event that I planned, or helped to co-plan with Kate).
Now go and vote.
I don't think I understand where the problem arises. You came to dinner. Implied or not, you still ate with us.
ReplyDeleteyes. but then he decided to start an argument over whether dinner was implied (which it was) and here we are.
ReplyDelete